Spent the morning at St. Joseph's Imaging with my mother having a battery of tests. Most of them routine. The staff was especially kind today. They are usually very professional, but today they were so sweet and gentle on how they handled her. that I actually talked to the manager and expressed my gratitude. So often now days we are treated with indifference that it warmed my heart to have this tenderness shown.

Got back home around noon and as I sipped what should have been my morning coffee, Luisa called. Luisa is a woman about my age, part of the handful of Portuguese families that live in this area. She was updating me on her mom. D. Lurdes fell about a month ago and broke her hip. This tipped the scale of her condition; Alzheimer's which has been progressing rapidly and forced Luisa to institutionalize her mother in a nursing home. It became impossible for Luisa to care for her mother at home any longer since she has no siblings and has to work from three to midnight. She goes to the nursing home every morning to feed her breakfast and lunch at noon. I went along with her today. D. Lurdes and I are old friends. We share the same birthday.

I have been there before. I have been at other nursing homes to see other people. The shocking factor wore off long ago. The empathy I have for the residents and staff though can never wear off. It is such a sobering sight. I almost feel that it should me mandatory that all young adults go visit a nursing home. A mandatory course in humanity. Perhaps then we would value more the people who work there. Perhaps then we would try to be a little bit less materialist and help our parents die with dignity at home, although in my friends case as in so many, she is the only one working to support the household. So, it is understandable that that option is not always possible, but when it is not, we should have a nursing home where there are more than 4 assistants for 62 residents on a floor. Today it's our parents. Tomorrow it will be our turn.

One of the assistants told me that there are people there for years already and although they have families, no one ever comes to visit. No one cares if they live or die. There were other residents in obvious semi vegetative state, others screaming uncontrollably. I realize that euthanasia is a full loaded subject, but then again, is it not constantly treating these people, like D. Lurdes infection after infection, with higher and higher doses of antibiotics while her flesh is already deteriorating playing God?

As we got ready to leave she had a clear moment. She knew who I was. I had been holding her hand the whole time. I kissed her cheek repeatedly and she did not want to let go. She told us she wanted to go with us. Her daughter told her she had to stay. She said she had to come with us so she could say farewell to everyone. Why? asked her daughter. I'm going on a long trip. Do you want to go to Coimbra? I asked. No, she said. I want to go to Gouveia. I want to go to Gouveia.

Clear as a bell. She gave me a sweet smile.

I feel so privileged to have had the chance to care for my father at home during his illness and have had him die peacefully at home.

Please God, Be Gentle with D. Lurdes. Take her to Gouveia.